Can we stop bashing men and calling it “feminism”?
Feminism. noun.
- The advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.
The belief system that women should have equal rights. Equal rights to pay. Equal rights to healthcare. Equal rights to vote. To work. To have a stake in society.
So, when did feminism come to mean “let’s bash men”?
I don’t know if it’s because I’m older. Maybe my TikTok algorithm is broken, but I can’t avoid the overwhelming volume of content of women attempting to uplift other women… whilst simultaneously tearing men down.
If feminism is about the equality of the sexes, then in what world is that ok? It’s like reverse patriarchy. The historically oppressed oppress the historical oppressor.
How hypocritical.
“Feminism” has been hijacked.
I identify as a feminist. But I dare say that out loud any more because the immediate response is I must “hate men”.
But I don’t hate men. I love men.
I have an incredible father, brother and son. Men are such an integral part of driving our economy and society forward. They also make up over 50% of the global population — we NEED men to support women and equal rights; otherwise, no one wins.
And yet, somewhere along the way, some genius thought it was a good idea to alienate men. Isolate them. Tell them they’re all toxic in the pursuit of equality.
I watched a YouTube recently where a young woman told a reporter how “all white men are garbage” — whilst simultaneously arguing she holds this belief because of the discriminatory, sexist and oppressive world we live in. Make it make sense?
We need male allies.
We need more men supporting women.
And we need more women standing up and supporting, cheering and giving all the flowers to men that DO support us. How do you expect to encourage the average Joe to do that when all we do is complain about how sh*t they are?
Let me let you into a little secret… the average man doesn’t want to hold you back. He doesn’t want to hold you down. Or underpay you. The average Joe is too busy worrying about whether he’s going to put food on the table, get a promotion, and reach his goals so that he can provide for his family.
The average Joe wants women to win — he just doesn’t want to get shot down in the process.
And sure, some men are assh*les. But some women are assh*les too. Tarnishing an entire gender with the same brush does nothing for “equality of the sexes”.
Why this kind of modern “feminism” is problematic?
I watched Joe Rogan’s Netflix special from 2018 last night. One of his jokes was about how the world isn’t sexist towards women — it’s sexist towards men. He argued if Harvey Weinstein — the horrific, heinous crimes he committed — had been a woman doing what he did to men… would anyone have cared?
I might get cancelled for saying this, but he has a point.
It doesn’t take a genius to determine why this reverse patriarchy is flawed, but let me break it down.
At best, it conveniently forgets that not all women are saints and not all men are inherently privileged. At worst, it reinforces the gender stereotypes that feminism should be trying to break down. It also assumes that men don’t have the capacity to care about — or understand women. Which further isolates them and makes them care LESS about women’s issues. We need more men on our team — not less. And alienating men by telling them how awful they are isn’t really doing much to encourage them to join us, is it?
If we frame feminism as a man vs women issue, we create inequality. We create a combative conversation where someone is always wrong, and someone is always right — that isn’t the world we live in. And it’s not a world I want to live in, either.
Now don’t get me wrong — I’m not writing this as a pick-me girl or as someone who will defend men regardless of the circumstances. Quite the opposite; I want to defend common sense. I want to defend peace. I want to defend a world where people can have logical, pragmatic and sensible conversations about things that impact us all.
Imagine what we could achieve if, instead of blaming other people — in this case, men, for our problems on social media, we actually got off our collective butts and did something about it? That is what I am defending.
And you should want to defend that too.
Can’t we all just get along?
What would you call it if a grown man stated they hated all women just because of their gender? That they said all females were toxic and undermined your personal experiences just because you were a woman?
At best, sexism — right? So what about when often do women make such blanket statements about men? People smile and nod.
Imagine if men as a whole diminished and rejected women’s experiences because of our gender. There would be riots. And when the media does this, there are. Rightly so. But the world seems to hate men for their gender right now. And isn’t that the definition of sexism? Isn’t that exactly what feminists are meant to be fighting against? Inequality of the sexes? Great work, guys.
I had a friend who recently said to me he was scared to compliment women. Or open doors for them for fear of being chastised for being a gentleman. How sad. How sad is it that we live in a world where people cannot be kind to one because it may or may not be perceived as sexist?
It’s entirely possible for women to be sexist towards men, just like it’s possible for me to be sexist towards women. Acknowledging how far down that road we’ve gone as a society doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist, it means I’m stating the obvious — and trying to highlight the obvious to you.
Rebranding feminism.
So, what do we do about this?
First, we need to remember that feminism isn’t the only issue that affects equality. Sexism is an issue, yes, but racial discrimination, homophobia and classism are not any less important.
To truly empower both genders and work towards equality, we need to go back to the roots of what feminism is. Equality of the sexes. We need to;
- Stop telling men they’re all bad.
- Stop telling men they’re the problem.
- Stop telling men they’re holding us back.
And start telling men that you want to hear their opinion, their views — and hear their voices supporting women as a whole. Have you ever tried to convince someone to agree with you by shouting at them and telling them they’re wrong? Yeah, me, either.
Women deserve equality. Men deserve equality. And both genders deserve equality, equally.
But ladies, that is going to be very hard to achieve if we continue to insist on tearing men down to build ourselves up.
And for goodness sake, can we stop complaining when a man opens a door for us too?
Yeah? Thanks.
